Phillip, Jonathan, and Tracy Made a Pie

Phillip thought we could make a pumpkin pie. We made the pie using tapioca and cinnamon. Miss Courtney thought the pie would be spicy but Phillip did not. This pie was special since it had no crust. When we put the pie in the oven it was in the shape of a circle. When Phillip ate his piece of pie it was in the shape of a triangle and it was squishy. The pie was brown. Phillip thought the pie was yummy! It tasted mushy and wet. We ate the pie quietly. The end.

Happy Birthday to You! How to Celebrate Your Child’s Special Day Appropriately

Happy Birthday to You! How to Celebrate Your Child’s Special Day Appropriately
By: Courtney Kowalczyk, M.Ed.

Over the past few months, a few of my clients have asked “how should we celebrate our child’s birthday, taking into consideration his or her special needs.” This is an important question on many levels, since we all want to celebrate special occasions with family; however, this can sometimes be too much for many of our children with special needs. Here are a few ideas and strategies to use so that you can celebrate your child’s birthday without making the event too overwhelming for the child and yourself!

• Limit the guest list! All too often, we find ourselves inviting to birthday parties family members whom we generally don’t see very often. Even though it may be uncomfortable for you not to invite them, think about how overwhelmed your child may feel if there are several people around whom he or she may not know. If you feel the need to invite all of your family and friends, then split the party up into a couple of different occasions. By limiting the number of guests, you can help to reduce the anxiety and fear of uncertainty that your child may be facing.



• Keep it simple! When we begin to plan a child’s birthday, it is easy for us to get carried away with the games, food, treat bags, gifts, and many other things that go into having a birthday party. All of these things are wonderful; but for children who have a difficult time processing information effectively, these elements of a birthday party can be overwhelming. By simplifying things and keeping the party elements to a minimum, you can help to reduce your child’s anxiety and allow him or her to enjoy the party more thoroughly.



• Be selective when choosing a party time. As you think about when to hold your party, keep in mind your child’s best time(s) of the day. Most children are more refreshed, relaxed, and less anxious overall in the morning after a good night’s rest. We don’t hear about parties being held in the morning that often; but for many children with special needs, this is their best time of the day. If you are going to have the party on a week night, then be sure to hold it after the dinner hour. This provides the child with an opportunity for some down time in between school and the party, and it allows them to have a healthy dinner to re-charge their batteries.



• Decorate with the minimalist perspective. Balloons, streamers, tissue paper, and many other fun decorations are often used for parties. These types of decorations are not a problem for most individuals, but children with disabilities can become overwhelmed very easily. When having a party, there are already many factors that will contribute to his or her feelings of anxiety, especially changes to the environment. Keeping decorations to a minimum will help reduce the overwhelming feeling and anxiety that many children feel at parties.

Celebrating your child’s special day can be a fun and anxiety-free experience. By keeping the environment calm and using a minimalist perspective, you may find that you and your child both can enjoy the occasion. Happy birthday party planning to you!!!!!

Five Tips for Parents Making School-Related Decisions

Five Tips for Parents Making School-Related Decisions
By: Nicole Beurkens, M.Ed.

School-related decisions seem to be an ever-present issue for all families, but especially for families with a child with unique learning needs. Here are some tips I find myself frequently providing parents in regards to their child’s education:

• Just because a service or option is available doesn’t mean you have to take it. Go with your gut feeling and do what you believe is right for your child. If you don’t think the speech sessions are helping then stop them. If you don’t want the weekly home visit from the early intervention specialist then don’t do them. If you think your child needs to be home with you rather than at school for some of all of the day, then do it. Do not allow what “other people” say or do to steer you in the wrong direction with your child. Do not allow “the professionals” to over-ride your own good judgment about what your child needs. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain or make a different choice in the best interest of your child and family.



• Don’t hem and haw over the next 15 years of your child’s school career when you only need to be making a decision about what to do for right now. I have met with too many parents who are paralyzed at the thought of pursuing something different from the status quo because they wonder what the ramifications will be 10 years down the road. Schools make decisions about placement and services one year at a time based on the current needs of the child and parents should do the same. You may feel that something is important for your child right now, and feel completely different about it a year from now. None of us can predict the future with certainty – no matter how hard we try! What is important is making the right decision for this point in time, and re-evaluating as you go along.



• Do not buy into the idea that there is a certain place out there that is a perfect fit and if you just keep searching long enough you will find it. No setting is perfect and there will be flaws and problems that crop up wherever you go. What is important is finding the right people who are willing to customize things to work for the best interest of each child – people who will bring you as parents in as part of the team and will work with you to ensure progress.



• Don’t get hung up on labels! I couldn’t care less what a certain classroom is called as long as the people are invested in setting high standards and helping each child reach his or her potential. Very often programs have the names they have for the purpose of paperwork and reporting – nothing more. Visit lots of places – meet the staff and watch them in action; get a feel for the environment; watch the other students. Those are the critical elements in determining whether a classroom is a good fit for your child – not whether the name of the classroom matches the label of the child.



• Finally, keep the developmental level of your child and the amount in mind when making educational decisions. There is tremendous pressure to put children, particularly those with autism, into formal educational settings earlier and earlier, but that may not be the best decision for your child. If you know your child is not ready for a classroom-based program then don’t send them. There is a tremendous amount to be gained from allowing children to benefit from the guidance of their parents during the early stages of development – and that process can take longer in children with unique learning needs. The same goes for children who experience significant amounts of stress in school. Parents must carefully weigh the potential benefits of a school environment against the amount of stress that is caused and the detrimental impact of that stress over time. Each of us as parents needs to take a good hard look at our child and decide if they are ready to enter a school setting for some or all of the day, or if they need more time to be truly successful and derive benefit from that environment. Again, don’t be afraid to make a different choice; to say “thanks, but not now” to school-based options if your child is not ready.


Maybe some of these things touch on issues you have been thinking about in relation to your child’s education. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box and do what is right for your child at this point in time. You are your child’s best advocate and are in the best position to make decisions regarding your child’s education – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Are You a Peacock or a Penguin?

Are You a Peacock or a Penguin?
By: Erin Roon, MA CCC-SLP

I found this great little movie on the internet at www.simpletruths.com, and was inspired to write about the message it conveyed. The story begins by talking about how the penguins were the leaders in many organizations. One day, a peacock comes along and begins spreading his creativity and ingenuity. At first, the penguins were excited by the new ideas; but as time went on they became uncomfortable with the changes, and decided to go back to their old ways. The peacock was disheartened until he met a seagull that took him to the “Land of Opportunity.” Here the peacock met birds of many different shapes, sizes, and abilities. Their shared knowledge of the world made them successful. The peacock discovered that to find opportunity, you must be open to new ideas, be willing to listen, be eager to learn, have a desire to grow, and be flexible enough to change. He found that we can all live in the “Land of Opportunity” if we choose to see beyond ourselves, open our hearts, and be who we are.

So, why did I choose to share this story? Too often, I think, we are the penguins stuck in our old ways, unable to see the opportunities around us. In our minds, it is easier and safer to stay in a place of comfort, and resist change. Let’s face it, the majority of people who have established a routine don’t like to mess it up by making changes! I know some families that take the same summer vacation year after year. They go to the same place, eat in the same restaurants, do the same activities - all at the same time of year. While I understand that this may be considered tradition, it leads to a lot of missed opportunities. There is a big world out there just waiting to be discovered.

When we get bogged down in the day to day “ho hum” of our lives, we can miss the little opportunities that present themselves. I will readily admit that I miss daily opportunities for making new discoveries when my eyes are closed and my heart is not open. On the days when I take the time to slow down, look beyond myself and open my heart, the opportunities seem endless. Sometimes the multitude of opportunities can feel daunting, and making a change can be scary; but it can be completely awesome as well.

Many of the families that we see at our center have done just this. They have sought out the opportunity to make a change and a difference in their child’s life. This is not an easy decision for any family, for a multitude of reasons. Having the courage to seek out change is the first step in finding new opportunities for the child and family. Many families come to us disheartened after trying many other things, but with an openness to new ideas, a willingness to listen, an eagerness to learn, a desire to grow, and enough flexibility to change. Having all of these tools allows them to open their eyes and heart to discover a whole new world of opportunities waiting for their child and family. This is one of the things that I truly love about RDI®: the vast array opportunities that are discovered every day. These families have all found a way to be peacocks, and discover the “Land of Opportunity.”

Will you be a peacock or a penguin? Will you discover the “Land of Opportunity?” It’s all up to you!

A Journey Through Infant Development: One Year!

A Journey Through Infant Development: One Year!
By: Michelle VanderHeide, BSW

It seems like only yesterday that I started this series on infant development, and now my baby boy has turned a year old. It’s fun to look back and reflect on how much has changed from one year ago. No year is like the first in the amount of growth and development a child makes, although the next several years are still critical and substantial in human development. Instead of writing about what I saw in his development over the past month, I’m going to reflect back and summarize my son’s development during the past year.

The first month: I was worried about how I could find more love in my heart for another child. The minute you came into our lives that worry was gone – you stole all of our hearts! You are so small, unresponsive, needy, and very fought over. Everyone wants to hold you as you have become a very important part of our family. Basically, all you do at this point is eat and sleep; but you are a very content baby. The joke is that as we carry our car seat from place to place, we are afraid that we are going to leave you behind one of these days because you are so good.

The second month: You began to smile this month! What a beautiful thing. It takes a lot of effort at this point, but it’s well worth the time to get it. Now that I am getting a smile, I’m already anticipating the next thing – a giggle! You are trying to giggle, and will grunt and move around when being tickled; so I know it won’t be long now!

The third month: You smile so much now that you have been nicknamed “guy smiley.” What a joy you are to have in the family! You are obviously very aware of people around you, as the minute you see somebody you give them a huge radiating smile. You are also giggling a lot now, and really love being tickled – especially by daddy. You are picking up on patterns, as you know that once daddy is done tickling you he’ll come back and do it some more. You giggle in anticipation of what is to come. The way you shriek when daddy walks in the door is also evidence of your growing awareness. There is nothing better than daddy coming home! Your sisters also offer a lot of entertainment for you. Watching them play is so fun for you. One will say or do something, and then the other; and you will shift your gaze between them rapidly. You are evidently seeing people as very important elements of your environment and as important learning tools!

The fourth month: You have found your voice, and are doing a lot of playing around with sounds. You have also discovered how to get a reaction out of people. If you don’t like something, you scream in hopes that it’ll stop. If I respond to something you’ve done, you’ll recreate it to continue getting a response. You are also becoming stronger (you rolled over for the first time) and are beginning to reach for toys. You also discovered who you are through some mirror play. Early on, you dismissed yourself as though the reflection were an unimportant person; but later in the month, you realized that what you were seeing was yourself. You found yourself to be quite entertaining. The gaze shifting and emotion sharing that took place between you and me in the mirror was priceless!

The fifth month: You have become quite the little entertainer! You want to be center of attention, and always have to know what’s going on! Feeding you has become a challenge, as you want to see what’s happening at all times – no time to stop for a bottle! You are also more of a pain bring to restaurants, because you want to touch and grab everything in sight. My earrings, saltshakers, grandma’s glasses – you name it – all are considered toys to you, and you want them all! Social routines (such as patty cake and peek-a-boo) are very much a part of your daily routine. Foundational aspects of communication are becoming more evident. You are doing a lot of babbling, especially when laying in bed after you’ve woken up.

The sixth month: It’s very evident now that you love the fast paced, dynamic life. Keeping things the same is boring. Peek-a-boo is so much more exciting when you don’t know what to expect. Will the blanket come off fast or slow? Will it be on my head or daddy’s? The giggles are priceless! You are also aware of people that you do and don’t know. Watching you interact with another infant is also very intriguing – the two of you have your own little way of communicating by copying each other’s actions and sounds.

The seventh month: You are beginning to initiate play now by taking an action to a familiar routine, and doing it to start the game. Humor is also more evident; I’ll ask you to do something, and then you don’t do it and laugh – knowing exactly what is expected of you. My favorite part of this month is that when I say “kisses,” you lean over to me with your mouth wide open for a sweet little kiss. This is one of the times you’ll use your humor though, and turn your head away from me or just look at me and giggle.

The eighth month: You are watching everything that we do, and know that other people are a source to learn from and receive help from. You got a ball stuck the other day, and looked right at me for help – clearly gazing between the ball and me. You are also watching what your sisters are doing, and want to do the same thing they are. If they are working on a puzzle, you are trying to play along; and you get upset when you aren’t invited to join. Physically, you are beginning to use the army crawl as your primary mode of movement, and it’s quite effective for you.

The ninth month: You are so interactive now, and it’s more evident that you are crawling with ease. When I come home from work, you immediately crawl up to me for a welcome home hug – which I love! Being able to crawl also means you can be more interactive with games. You now love to play hide and seek – you crawl behind a chair and peek out for my reaction. I love it!

The tenth month: Curiosity is the theme for this month! Now that you are mobile and can pull yourself up, you want to see everything! When I am in the kitchen working, you are emptying drawers. When I am in the bathroom getting ready, you are pulling everything out of the cupboards. You have been appropriately named “little bother” by your sisters, as you are into everything!

The eleventh month: Separation anxiety is at its peak. You want to me be with mom, dad, or one of your grandmas only. Everyday you pick a person to be your favorite, and you will attach like glue. That person needs to be around you at all times; and if s/he has to go somewhere, you have to go along or you are very upset. I’m just glad that you have found such a wonderful bond with all of us!

I have been so honored to have a neurotypically forming child to watch develop over the past twelve months. I have never understood or appreciated the complexities of development as I do now. So many critical and foundational milestones are met during this first year! If, while reading this year in review, you still have questions or wonder if you child is developing along a neurotypical pathway, we would love to sit down and talk with you about your concerns.

What Should I Do When My Child is Anxious?

What Should I Do When My Child is Anxious?
By: Courtney Kowalczyk, M.Ed.

Anxiety can be debilitating for many individuals, especially those affected by autism and other neurodevelopmental conditions. Last month, I shared specific symptoms and changes in behavior to consider when determining whether or not your child or student is anxious. Now that you know what to look for in relation to anxiety symptoms, the next step is to understand ways in which you can help your child or student work through and reduce that anxiety.

Individuals cope with anxiety in many different ways; and as parents and teachers, it is important for us to guide our children without exacerbating the level of anxiety the child is experiencing. The most important person in helping someone work through anxiety is you. You, as the guide, can make the difference in increasing or decreasing anxiety for your child or student just by the way that you interact with them. Here are several suggestions and ideas for you to keep in mind when your child or student becomes anxious.

• Stay calm. As a parent or teacher, it is important for you to act confidently as a guide to your child or student. If you become anxious when your child or student becomes anxious, then their anxiety level is going to continue to increase. As guides, it is our job to remain calm and composed during stressful situations. It is important for you to model for your child or student how to behave calmly and not overreact.


• Be quiet. During moments of anxiety, adults tend to cope with the stress by talking more; however, this is not helpful in relation to reducing anxiety for children, especially those with neurodevelopmental disorders. Language can take quite a bit of effort to process; and if someone is already anxious, it is going to take even longer and may exacerbate the situation. By remaining calm and using as few words as possible, you can support your child or student in a more effective manner.


• Slow down. When a child is anxious, he or she may not be able to process information as effectively as normal. For children with neurodevelopmental disorders, processing can be significantly altered when feelings of anxiety are present. It is important for you to remember that as the guide, you need to slow down everything that you are doing and saying in order to give the child time to process. If you tend to wait 5 seconds for a response during typical interactions, then wait 20 to 30 seconds during moments when anxiety is high.


• Be observant. When a child’s level of anxiety is increased, there is some reason for the mental state change. As the guide, it is your job to take a step back, look at the situation, and try to figure out what may be causing the anxiety. Is there a transition approaching? Does the child need more sensory input? If you can pinpoint the source(s) of anxiety, then you will be better equipped to help the child cope.


• Know your child or student. As individuals, we all have different forms of relaxation that we enjoy. For some it is reading a book, and for others it may be bouncing on a trampoline. Whatever the preferences are, it is important to know what strategies help your child or student to relax and calm down. This may include deep breathing, quiet time, physical activities, deep pressure, swinging, or being left alone for a period of time. These are just a few examples of different strategies that can be used with children during anxious time periods; however, it is important for you as the guide to know what will work best for him or her.

Over the past few months, we have examined what anxiety is, the symptoms of anxiety, and suggestions for helping individuals cope with anxiety. As the guide for our children and students, it is our job to recognize moments when they may be facing high levels of anxiety and then guide them through it. The way we react and guide our children or students during such times can make a big difference in their level of anxiety.

A Journey Through Infant Development: The Eleventh Month

A Journey Through Infant Development: The Eleventh Month
By: Michelle VanderHeide, BSW

“I’m looking for fun and adventure! I’m looking for more!!!” As children develop on a neuro-typical pathway, they begin to look for activities to be more elaborate and exciting. The same old games become boring – it’s time for adventures and more challenges. This becomes especially true as a baby transforms from an infant to a toddler. As parents, we naturally begin to add these challenges as our children begin to show readiness. My son continues to enjoy the exciting new things of life, but one monotonous thing he loves is his grandma!

• You love your grandma! We took a vacation to Florida, and had a ball! It became extremely evident to me that you know what you want! You were attached to grandma like glue. You’d be playing nicely on the living room floor, and if grandma entered the room you’d scream and go crawling over to her (screaming the entire way). Once you were in her arms, there was no putting you down! When we returned home from Florida, you didn’t see her for nearly 3 days (eternity to you). When you saw her again, you did the same screaming approach that you did earlier – but held on even tighter! When you were sitting in your chair eating, you actually had to have her right there by you. When she waved like she was going to leave, you reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her to you – all while shrieking. Although I’m a little jealous, I’m happy to see that you are forming a special bond with her, and that relationships are important to you.


• There’s excitement in moving While crawling is still the preferred method of movement, you notice that this isn’t the way the rest of the family gets around. If there is a couch or table to hold on to, you are walking. It shouldn’t be long before you are walking on your own. I hope it’s sooner than later, simply because crawling outdoors is hard on the clothes!


• Extreme Peek-a-boo You love playing peek-a-boo; but if I run off and hide while the blanket is over your head, you laugh even harder. The challenge of finding me is so fun, and the reward in finding me is priceless. I like this game better, too, because it gives me more exercise running from you and a bigger reward when you find me – there’s always a big laugh and gigantic hug!


• Adding humor You are so funny. You are beginning to do things intentionally to make me laugh. The other day, you and I were picking up some Easter eggs off the floor. Initially you were putting them away with me; then suddenly you grabbed one, looked at me to make sure I was watching, and then crawled away with it. You then “hid” it under the couch, looked back at me, and laughed. You thought you were so funny. It’s amazing to me how much you understand about human interaction already, and how to enhance it.

If a child has fallen off this neuro-typical path of development, these activity changes can be overwhelming. The dynamic, fast moving, adventurous life is then too much, and there is a tendency to become trapped in the monotonous way of doing things – just to feel safe! This is another reason that I love Relationship Development Intervention (RDI): nothing new was created, just slowed down enough so that what happens naturally in neuro-typically developing children can happen for those who missed it the first time. Through a very careful approach, challenges are added to every day life in a supportive and trusting environment. Because of this, kids who normally fear change, challenges, and other dynamic attributes can slowly become successful in adapting to our fast changing world. The transformations are amazing!