The Wheel's Still Spinning, But the Hamster's Dead!

I was introduced to this phrase today by a 16 year old student with Asperger’s Syndrome whom I have the pleasure of visiting periodically at his high school. He used it to comment on a situation in which there was on-going needless arguing on the part of students and staff regarding getting something done. I have been laughing about this all day whenever I think of him saying it – and I have thought of a number of potentially relevant ways to apply this:

1) How often do we try to explain, and rationalize, and explain some more to try to make our kids understand where we are coming from? We can’t just make our point and let it go without allowing ourselves to get caught up in arguments and justifications. Well…the wheel’s still spinning, but the hamster’s dead!

2) What about times when we can’t just stop something while it’s going well with our kids. No, we have to try to eek out one more minute, one more thing to do, one more push to get something accomplished. Well, the wheel’s still spinning, but the hamster’s dead!

3) Do you ever find yourself continually caught up in the same self-defeating mindset? Things aren’t ever going to get better; everything feels so hard to accomplish; there are so many things to try to tackle at once that it seems useless to try. Well, the wheel’s still spinning, but the hamster’s dead!

4) How about what we frequently do in schools – try to apply the same unproductive strategies to problems, and then wonder why the results are never any different. Well, the wheel’s still spinning, but the hamster’s dead!

If any of these scenarios applies to you, make the decision to stop running in an endless cycle that gets you nowhere fast. Jump off before it’s too late! Don’t be the dead hamster on the wheel that keeps on spinning!

Until next week,
Nicole

Smiling Faces

Ok - so this week will be a little more difficult since everyone seemed to talk about something different. There was talk of active participation, self-awareness, and smiling. Smiling was an easy topic to find an appropriate quote about so I'll just stick with that one (thanks to Erin!).





It's always nice when kids come in and to see their big smiles - how can that not cheer anyone up?! Sometimes I think that adults need to smile more - they may be feeling like they are in a good mood, but why not show it! So, this quote I found is for adults - children just seeem to have more smiles in them.

"Keep a smile on your face and let your personallity be your autograph"

Smiles

One of my duties here at school each day is to wait with the kindergarten through 2nd grade children who are picked up by their parents each day. Everyday I see children’s faces light up with huge delighted smiles as their parents come to pick them up. The kids are genuinely happy to see their parents. This is emotion sharing at its best. This is one of my favorite times of the day to see the connection these children have with their mom or dad. What a great gift and it’s free!

I know that when I’m having a bad day or things just are going exactly how I want them to a smile from one of my students can just turn everything around. I love the smiles I get when we have worked really hard on something and they finally are making progress or have achieved something or when we are just having fun enjoying the activity. It makes your heart sing and you can’t help, but smile back. Just sitting here typing about smiling is making me smile.

Smiling is contagious just try it and you’ll see. The next time you are at the mall or grocery store or anywhere there are several people try smiling at some strangers. You’ll be amazed at how many people can’t help, but smile back at you. It’s a fun experiment and I love trying this out. I also like to smile at people who are looking very grumpy. It might be my smile that lightens there day a bit you never know.

So for those of you with a child on the spectrum that are part of the RDI(rt) program that may not get many smiles yet don’t lose hope they are coming.

See you next Thursday,
Erin
(Just as a side note smiling takes less muscles than frowning so try a few more smiles.)

Self Awareness

I was going to post on appraisal today, but my thoughts were really on self awareness. This is one of the easier core deficits to understand and really the one that is the most evident in others when they are lacking this necessary trait. Self awareness is the ability to not only understand how you fit into a setting/relationship, but also the ability to understand how your actions may affect another person. As I was at the doctor's office with my daughters yesterday a little girl around the age of four decided she wanted a sucker. When her mom said no, this little girl's world fell apart. The girl started kicking and screaming and causing a huge scene. The poor mother...she couldn't leave. I really felt for her. I've been there. Anyway, thinking of self awareness, this little girl was lacking the ability not only to see how her actions were affecting how others saw her, but also how it was making other's feel. The waiting room was filled with squirming parents (most who were probably feeling bad for the mom). Her actions were making everyone in that room uncomfortable, but she couldn't see that. She wanted that sucker.

On another self awareness note, who watched American Idol last night? The first several episodes of American Idol spotlight a few of the good singers, but really we see much more of the "singers" who can't sing. Now, I know, some of these people are there to put on a show just to make it on television. I thought myself how funny it would be to walk into that room and try to sing. Oh, it'd be funny. Now aside from those who intentially do it for the lack of something better to do, there are those who really think they are good and are shocked to learn they are far from even average. Take William Hung for example. I believe he thought he was good. Now he even lacks the self awareness to realize he is the laughing stock of millions. Poor guy. Well I don't feel too bad, his lack of self awareness has profited him a lot of money.

Anyway, self awareness. Any good stories about how this is improving in your child? We love to hear the stories.

Until next week,
Michelle

Active Participation Required

This week I would like to share some things I have been thinking about in relation to active participation in the apprentice role. I have recognized in some clients recently that they have a tendency to allow themselves to be guided through activities without resistance, but they aren’t really actively participating by taking their own actions. Take, for example, a child I saw recently who “helps” with many things around the house. When they clear the table he allows mom to guide him with picking up the plates from the table and carrying them to the sink. As long as mom provides physical scaffolding the child appears to be taking his role and engaging with her and the task. However, when that physically scaffolding is lessened or removed, it is clear that the child was never actively taking on that role because now he does not continue with picking up and moving the plates. He may begin to move around the room drop to the floor, or do something else. The sense of actively moving his body to participate in the role of moving dishes was never achieved – he was simply allowing his mother to move his body so it looked like he was taking his role.

Upon further inspection, when I did this activity with him, I could tell right away that while he was allowing me to place his hands on the dishes and walk with him over to the sink, he was not exerting any physical effort to grip the plate or carry it – I could feel that his arms were floppy and he was merely giving the appearance of carrying the dish. I realized that we needed to focus on getting this child to take intentional action with his body rather than simply allow himself to be moved through the paces of activities. We started walking together while holding hands and allowed him to feel the results of his actions when he would become unintentional about what he was doing. For example, when he would lean way back while walking we would continue to hold his hand but allow him to gently fall back onto the floor instead of us putting forth the effort to pull him back into an upright position. The look on his face the first couple of times we did this was amazing – it was like he couldn’t believe that the result of his action led to him being on the ground. He clearly expected his body to be pulled back up by one of us. Over the course of one 15 minute session of walking together and allowing him to feel the results of his actions he was already more “sturdy” with his posture and did less flopping to the ground when we would stop walking. His attention to his actions was better and it was not so much work to keep him with us.

This experience again spotlighted for me the importance of children attending to and taking responsibility for their physical actions, and understanding the results of those actions, as a foundation for active role participation and apprenticeship. The parents were doing so much scaffolding for this child that he couldn’t get the feel for what would happen as a result of his actions. When we simplified what we were doing and pulled back on the degree of physical scaffolding we began to see big changes. Think about the amount of physical scaffolding you are providing your child – can s/he take an active role fairly quickly or are you doing most of the physical work? Is your child able to make intentional physical movements to accomplish things or does s/he tend to be more random with actions and wait for you to work things out? If this is an issue for you and your child, try starting out very simply and slowly and allow your child to feel the results of his/her actions; then build from there. Active engagement and participation is a critical foundation for apprenticeship!

Until next week,
Nicole

RushRushRush - I don't think so!

After looking back at all the posts this past week - there seemed to be a theme throughout. So, I thought I'd try my best to find a quote that summed it all up...

There's absolutely no reason to be rushed along with the rush.

Slow down - Remember the important things - Take time to share something with your child - Create a legacy for your children - Don't try to multi-task all the time

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

As I was reflecting on what Nicole wrote on Tuesday I received an e-mail from a staff member here at school that seemed to piggy back on her message of family. I thought this story would be a great one to share as part of my blog this week. I am also a very strong believer in the importance of family. For me family comes above all else. You never know how long a family member will be with you and it is so important to cherish each day – good and bad. So in the spirit of family enjoy this story.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in
a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between
the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with and unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things-- your family, your children, your health, your friends and
your favorite passions-- and if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and
your car.

The sand is everything else-- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the
jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf
balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to
you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with
your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to
dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and
fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first-- the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Take time to slow down and remember the golf balls in your life.

See you next Thursday,
Erin